What is the greatest distance in the world?
It is not being worlds apart, nor is it life and death.
Nor is it that I stand before you, yet you do not know I love you.
But rather, that while you are still a junior college student tightening screws at an auto repair shop, I have successfully upgraded from junior college to university, leaping over the dragon gate.
My buddy first understood this truth when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him.
That day, his ex-girlfriend came to the electric vehicle shop to find him. My buddy was buried in work, modifying the rear shock absorbers and front headlights of Ninebot scooters for trendy young guys.
The breakup came suddenly, just as sudden as the admission notice for the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade that my ex-girlfriend flashed. Her manicured nails holding the notice were a translucent pink, scattered with fine glitter, shimmering beautifully in myriad colors.
Upon hearing this, my buddy stood frozen. He didn't cry bitterly, nor did he beg. The marquee lights of the Ninebot scooter cast mottled shadows on his expressionless face, reflecting a mix of complex emotions.
"Why didn't you try to make her stay?" I asked him during a late-night snack outing.
"It's useless. Junior is junior, undergraduate is undergraduate." My buddy was dead drunk, slumped like a puddle of mud on the white plastic chair at the food stall, yet remained as calm as a carbon steel wrench. "The moment she successfully upgraded to undergraduate status, a thick, sorrowful barrier formed between us."
Image source: Bilibili @ShangraoChosenOne
"If I start reading more books and memorizing 'abandon' during the gaps while repairing Ninebot scooters tomorrow," my buddy tried to sit up but failed, "do you think she might change her mind?"
"Maybe yes, maybe no." I tried to help my buddy up, failing several times. "It depends on whether you can successfully upgrade from junior college to university, and whether she plans to further her studies by pursuing a graduate degree."
After that, my buddy didn't say another word. He just slumped in his chair at the food stall, staring straight at the moon. At that moment, the situation between my buddy and his ex-girlfriend resembled Hou Yi and Chang'e—separated by heaven and earth overnight.
I could only comfort my buddy, telling him that his situation was not an isolated case.
There was originally no chasm between junior college and undergraduate education, but once the "junior-to-undergraduate upgrade" appeared, the chasm emerged.
Because there is an uncrossable chasm between junior college and undergraduate education, upgrading from junior to undergraduate is like a demon from hell stepping into heaven, being anointed as an angel under Jehovah's hand. Naturally, the first thing people do after upgrading is to cleanse their impurities and sever the sins of the past.
According to unofficial history, the reason Xiao Yan was divorced was that after Nalan Yanran upgraded from junior college to university, she felt that Xiao Yan, with only three stages of Qi cultivation, was unworthy of her. Deeply stimulated, Xiao Yan uttered the fierce words, "Do not bully the young junior," and began to study diligently from then on.
Later, under the guidance of his admissions counselor via phone, Xiao Yan switched directly from Civil Engineering to Cosmic Computer Science, using the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade as a starting point to embark on a counterattack path leading to a combined bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degree.
As the saying goes, "The first sword drawn upon upgrading to undergraduate strikes down the junior college student." Every person who upgrades wants to launch a personal academic purge after succeeding. Former classmates, as the closest comrades, are usually the first to be settled with.
In the past, roommates were inseparable. They attended classes and played Teamfight Tactics together during the day, rushed to the cafeteria for lunch together, saw each other naked in the shower, and talked all night after lights out... They were closer than brothers, just short of swearing brotherhood at the auto repair shop, not seeking to be born on the same day, month, and year, but hoping to tighten screws together on the same day, month, and year.
And the admission notice for the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade is equivalent to an imperial decree severing ties with former comrades. All past memories become dark histories that upgradees wish to bury.
He blocked his sons' contact information and left the dormitory group chat. If he met them on the street, he pretended not to know them, fearing misunderstanding from undergraduate classmates. He even avoided suspicion when going to the bathhouse, calling it "heaven's secrets must not be leaked."
Knowing my brothers have upgraded from junior college to university, one less person joins our gaming sessions from now on.
Before upgrading from junior college to university, I strongly believed that junior college students were indeed university students, arguing convincingly: policies stated it clearly in black and white, and in real life, we could enjoy student discounts at Haidilao Hot Pot. It was double-certified by both the government and capital.
After upgrading, they immediately transform into strict fathers towards junior college students, believing that the hierarchy between junior and undergraduate levels is rigid, separated by at least ninety-nine Six-Eared Macaques. Whenever they encounter a junior college student trying to pass off as a university student, they inevitably argue vehemently and add an insult of "shameless." During graduation season, they practically wish to rip the bachelor's caps off every junior college graduate's head.
It wasn't enough to just settle scores with fair-weather friends; upon returning home, I had to open a new page in the family genealogy book, tracing back three generations to see if my illiterate grandfather, middle-school-educated father, and junior-college-educated older brother were even blood-related to me—after all, we may have sprung from the same root, but "junior" is not "undergraduate."
In daily life, they must constantly draw a clear line with junior college, even to the point of nitpicking words, exceeding even Old Zhu in excessiveness.
Only undergraduates' laptops can be called "notebooks"; junior college students' devices can only be called "note-juniors." Only programs watched by undergraduates can be called "Happy Camp"; programs watched by junior college students can only be called "Junior College Concentration Camp."
After upgrading from junior college to university, I felt completely out of place living in my family's old house back home. I humbly asked my family members—only to discover that the house was actually built with bricks. Even when feeling unwell and going to the hospital, I had to avoid certain topics; regardless of whether it was a major or minor illness, I never registered for specialized outpatient clinics.
Does the world view junior college students with colored glasses? Yes, but no one's filter is heavier than that of the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade—because that place is an unbearable hell, where there exists an arrogant, envious, wrathful, lazy, greedy, and gluttonous version of oneself. Only by killing that self can the upgrade complete the imagined overnight turnaround and gain a rebirth that never truly existed.
The embarrassing behavior of junior-to-undergraduate upgradees in short videos is no less dramatic than Fan Jin passing the imperial examination. The difference lies in the fact that after Fan Jin passed, he truly became a descended Star of Wisdom; whereas the value of the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade is often akin to a Prismatic Hextech augment in Teamfight Tactics—if your previous augments weren't great, it's hard to say whether it will become the key factor that changes your game experience and lets you dominate the entire match.
Do those who successfully upgrade from junior college to university not understand this situation? In reality, how many people truly act like the characters in jokes, "forgetting their junior college roots after upgrading," believing that the upgrade will turn their lives around overnight?
I believe most people in reality, including most who successfully upgrade from junior college to university, are aware of this situation—probably very few actually start cutting ties with their past after upgrading, as depicted in jokes. At least, according to my personal observations, they don't. The filter through which people view the upgrade in jokes is even heavier than the filter through which upgradees view junior college students in those same jokes.
You cannot say that upgrading from junior college to university is wrong; striving for self-improvement is never wrong. But this world is one giant junior-to-undergraduate upgrade. Everyone is stuck in limbo, neither up nor down. Everyone has their own "Silver Bible," and everyone has their own Odyssey. We all know the Golden Age is long gone. In this era, you cannot determine when you will rise from Silver to Gold, nor can you be sure when your Odyssey will end.
It's just that your Odyssey might be "Assassin's Creed," where you occupy some strongholds, engage in some dialogues, assassinate some knights, perform some leaps of faith, and repeatedly unclog toilets; his Odyssey is "Mario," where you explore some box gardens, find some moons, defeat some Bowser, save some princesses, and repeatedly enter pipes. But ultimately, you still have to follow the main quest step by step; it's all just contract labor in "Earth Online."
To some extent, people enjoy jokes about the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade because "upgrading" represents everyone's meritocratic dilemma. Iron is the Silver between players and non-players; Master is the Silver between Diamond and Challenger. Everyone's rank is the Silver between the rank above and below. The position of the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade is too perfect—it is the most typical and suitable Silver target for criticism, stuck in the most ambiguous middle ground, where even a passing Dog.exe can take a couple of swipes at it.
In the endless, layered pages of the "Silver Bible," everyone once believed in the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade, thinking it was the qualitative "ascension ritual"—once you achieved the result, your life would soar like a dragon.
Everyone wants to see a better tomorrow through hard work. It's just that we don't know whether tomorrow or an accident will come first. After living like this for thirty years, faith eventually collapses, and we realize that elementary schoolers, middle schoolers, high schoolers, junior college students, undergraduates, master's students, and PhDs might all be inferior to being born to Mom.
When people mock the junior-to-undergraduate upgrade, they may not harbor much malice toward the process itself. When seeing jokes about upgradees trapped in the "Silver Bible," people also see themselves. But can you say the upgrade is wrong? Upgrading is not wrong; striving for self-improvement is never wrong. The problem isn't the upgrade itself, but I don't know where the problem lies either.
So, here's a little trick: if you want to turn your life around overnight, buy an extra-long charging cable. The effect might even surpass that of upgrading from junior college to university.
